Balance is such a tricky quick sand.
I lost mine.
Soul searching made me find things that I had long ignored, like dreams and fairy-tales. Like whispering with my soul through the eyes, the ability to stare mentally at a single memory for hours.
Gaps in my days.
Fresh hand-made-memories like a secret room in my head, a warm and safe room that so like Escher's castles began growing from inside out under the pressure of my hands pounding the walls from inside-out with the force of a thousand emotions.
Hours of complete silence and wuthering anticipation, early mornings staring at the clock and counting seconds..
So strange, so much, so soon, so uninvited...
so wonderful and wholesome, so ... undeniable.
so terrifying too.
destinations come to mind, places to hide in, roads to run on...
the fear that it will be put out. put down... i tasted my own fear on his lips, my own hunger and longing, my soul was there, he must've tasted it too...
there's no room for "what now?". that question alone raises up a hurricane of pain and fear... I don't want to know.
